I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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