I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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