my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."