That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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