BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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