i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila