This is not my ceiling
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
