either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
