My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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