i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
