I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
