he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
