She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
