did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
