I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
