My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
