Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
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I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
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Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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