When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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