it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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