so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
