im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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