So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I lost the right to judge tonight
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
