My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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