hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
