what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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