i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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