smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
