so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
