I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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