I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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