Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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