this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
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it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
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it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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