I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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