Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize