Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
