Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
