omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
