He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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