Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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