You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
