I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
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