Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
