Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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