never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
