I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'm really busy with my period
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