he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
