Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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