when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
