laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
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the room spins SO much faster in panama
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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