I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
