eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
