I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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