they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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