I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize