one word: firstdatebathroomanal
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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