god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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