walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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