Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
worst night to have a conscience
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
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so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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