you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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