I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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