why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
