dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
