ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
