You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
