I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
